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The Courage to Conquer Fear

Fear often takes on a life of its own. It begins as a reasonable response to actual events during difficult times. But unchecked by hope or courage, fear can consume our rationality, alter our perceptions, and ruin our relationships.

On the heels of a global pandemic, we have legitimate fears for the people of Ukraine and their future as an independent country. We fear the possibility of World War III.

We worry about the continued effects of inflation on the global economy. We worry about new COVID variants, climate change, and hardened political divides.

To add to my own fears and uncertainties, I decided to quit my job a couple of weeks ago and try my hand at freelancing. While my family and friends have been supportive, they’ve also been genuinely concerned, perhaps even fearful, regarding my mental health and the well-being of my family. I try to explain that my desire for flexibility in choosing my own hours and my own projects trumps my desire for a steady paycheck with benefits. I fully understand the risks of making such a career pivot, but I have felt confident about my decision.

Of course, some of my loved ones don’t see it as reasonable. Most notably, my mother-in-law has questioned my wisdom, my work ethic, and my commitment to providing for my family: “Does Paul want to work? I hope he doesn’t not want to work!”

Now my mother-in-law is perfectly within her rights to be concerned about whether I’m making responsible choices. I appreciate that she cares deeply about us. And I appreciate the many friends who’ve reached out to ask what they can do to help me find another job. But I have to be careful that I don’t allow their well-meaning words to feed my personal fears and insecurities until they take on a life of their own.

I can’t do a lot right now to mitigate the chances of World War III. Other than praying and making financial donations to the people of Ukraine, I can’t do much to prevent their suffering. But I can take strength from their courage as I seek to conquer my comparatively smaller fears.

As I personally strive to cultivate a spirit of hope and constructive problem solving in my life, here are some practical tips that I’ve found helpful.

First, know what is important to you and what you personally stand for. In its essence, courage is about doing the right thing in the face of fear. What are you personally willing to sacrifice for? If you haven’t consciously reasoned through the answer to this question, you’re less capable of displaying courage in your life. You have to know what you stand for and who you stand with.

Second, practice doing the right thing. Courage is developed by doing noble things, even when you’re experiencing anxiety or feeling the effects of other personal limitations. Overcoming self-doubt and fear usually doesn’t happen overnight. You have to work at it, exercising practical wisdom and gaining greater confidence in your ability to choose the right each time you succeed. In cultivating courage, remember that your personal golden mean can only be discovered by pushing back against your areas of weakness.

Third, remember that not every courageous act is successful, in terms of righting a wrong, conquering the forces of evil, or rescuing the innocent. For this reason, you have to give yourself permission to fail. This doesn’t mean you give yourself a license to be reckless and risk your life or reputation unwisely. Remember, courage is the happy medium between cowardice and recklessness. Courage acts as directed by reason. But when reason does direct, you need to accept that courage brings with it the risk of failure and the strong possibility of pain.

Fourth, if you want to cultivate the virtue of courage, it’s a good idea to associate with people who are themselves courageous. And as you develop courage, you can inspire others to follow the same course.

In summary, these four tips can help us to cultivate courage: first, know what you stand for; second, use practical wisdom in doing the right thing; third, give yourself permission to fail; and fourth, hang out with courageous people.

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Responding to Anxiety with Courage and a Glimmer of Hope

Aristotle

As the number one mental health issue in North America, anxiety is often a debilitating problem for both teens and adults. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America reports that up to 25 percent of teenagers suffer from anxiety disorders. While most forms are highly treatable, the majority of sufferers do not seek professional treatment.

The relentless nature of anxiety can provide a rigorous test of character. Many sources of anxiety, such as toxic family relationships and economic hardship, give rise to a sense of hopelessness. But compassionate friends and loved ones can help those who suffer to discover the courage, wisdom, and inner strength to move forward.

Social scientific research suggests that people with anxiety often underestimate their capacity for courage. In a 2007 study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, Clemson psychologist Cynthia Pury and her colleagues make the distinction between general and personal courage. They report that when most people think about courage, they see it as a fearless and confident attribute possessed only by others. This is the definition of general courage—the type of heroic effort we recognize and praise in other people. Personal courage, on the other hand, is the type we might ascribe to ourselves. People with the self-awareness to see their personal actions as courageous tend to define courage as a response to vulnerability, anxiety, and fear. In fact, this is the type we see most often in real life. Ordinary people become heroes when they rise up to do what needs to be done — in spite of weakness.

Aristotle would likely agree with modern social science that anxiety, fear, and self-doubt are built into courage. He suggests that courage is not founded on personal strength or a feeling of invincibility. Instead, it’s built on the conviction that we’re acting in the service of a noble cause, regardless of how prepared we are for battle. According to Aristotle, knowing that we’re doing the right thing empowers us to manage the pain that frequently accompanies self-sacrifice.

Without a doubt, moving forward in the face of chronic anxiety takes courage. But taking courage is not easy when an intensely negative and overpowering emotion is flowing through our minds. Telling someone to “stop worrying” or to “have courage” is almost always misguided advice. To cultivate courage, we need at least a slight glimmer of hope. This hope can come from a trusted friend who convinces us that relationships can improve and that our personal goals are worth fighting for — even against all odds.

Many therapists recommend a simple activity to help anxiety sufferers step away from their emotions and allow the more rational part of the brain to reclaim executive control. The first step is to articulate and then write down a concrete list of things we’re worried about. Sometimes the very act of identifying what lies behind an oppressive emotion can offer immediate relief.

The second step is to separate the items in our list into two categories: things we can control and things we can’t. Most of the things we worry about include both aspects, one that’s well within our power to influence and another that’s almost entirely beyond our control. For example, if I’m worried about an upcoming test at school, I should realize that I can control how much time I study for the test. But I can’t guarantee a passing score and I can’t control what my peers or my instructor might think of me if I do poorly. If I’m worried about attending a social gathering, I can control whether I approach people with a smile and a friendly greeting. But I can’t control whether or not a stranger likes me based on her first impression.

The worries we can’t do much about are frequently the most paralyzing because they’re accompanied by a sense of powerlessness. If spelling them out on paper doesn’t help us let them go, we can try other techniques like mindfulness breathing exercises or taking a walk in nature. Whatever relaxation method we choose, at some point we need to embrace the fact that some worries impose an unreasonable burden that we can’t afford to carry.

So what about the things we can control? Recent studies on test anxiety have found that at least some stress can be a good thing. Students who tend to do well on exams learn to embrace their anxiety and channel it toward greater focus and positive mental energy. Rather than trying to stop worrying about an exam, they transform their anxiety into excitement. They commit themselves to a plan of study and then anxiously immerse themselves in what they can control. In the language of character development, they create the conditions for courage by resolving on a plan of action.

Anxiety is an urgent public health challenge with no easy solutions. But gentle encouragement and honest self-appraisal can often provide the hope we need to face our fears with courage and grace.